Rejoice!

I have been mildly depressed for some time now. After many discussions with my mom and husband who had witnessed this swing in my daily mood at the beginning of the year, I decided to go see my doctor. Evan was only a couple of months old at this time. I asked her questions about whether or not it was just hormones acting up from having a baby, and if I would feel back to normal soon.

With one child, you have so many freedoms still. Breastfeeding had subsided when Asher was 8 weeks due to a milk protein intolerance. We are still figuring out exactly what this means for him. At the time though, it meant freedom. I could go out with my husband. Finishing my schooling and teaching license was not a problem. I enjoyed the quiet drive and the time I spent with the other ladies in class.Come fall, I student taught full time. That meant I basically had the same hours in the classroom and at home as a full time teacher. Of course this meant much sacrifice was made by all; myself, my husband, my baby, and my amazing mom who came to live with us for those 4 ½ months. Still, I had my own life. Now with two, things have changed. I still haven’t fully adjusted to this new life.

While chatting with my doctor about options, she shared that talking things out with a therapist might be of some good. I decided I wasn’t ready for that. Ever since I was a young girl I never really liked to open up much to people, so opening up to a stranger, even if they are a professional, was unattractive to me. Instead, I decided to go with a low-dose medication to help stabilize my moods.

I was weary at first, but I do believe it has been of some help for me. The biggest problem is that it stabilizes the “highs” as well. It seems that it takes a lot more for me to get excited about things now. I kind of just float through the day hoping that nothing too difficult or bad happens with me and the kids. A good day is a simple day in most cases.

Still, there are those special days that seem to keep a smile on my face all day. I had one of those special kind of days yesterday. Yesterday, our town, Maple Plain, celebrated 100 years of existence! There was a Centennial celebration filled with family and kid activities down Main Street and at the local Community Center where Asher takes his Early Childhood Education Classes. 

We spent the day as a family and Asher marveled in the excitement of the day. The talented Olivia Torgerson painted a tiger’s face upon my sweet two year old’s face. You heard a “Rawr!” everywhere he went after that. We concluded the morning fun with a community parade and after his long afternoon nap Gregg and I decided to head out to dinner for a “date night.” We chose McDonalds, or as Asher says, “Old McDonalds!” We celebrated in his accomplishments of getting his little legs up and through the climbing steps and tunnels to the the very tip-top. We laughed and cheered and, yes, smiled. We ended the night with a family movie and snuggles on the sofa. I only heard about half of the movie, but the sweet sounds from my children filled my heart. I love it that Asher giggles at Baby Evan's chattering. 

For now my attitude has not changed much overall. In fact, this morning I admit that I was a tad bit grumpy. It’s a process, I keep telling myself. More rejoicing in the simple things like yesterday with my family is a great start.

I often look at the verse on our bedroom wall. It reads, “Rejoice in the Lord always!” (Phil 4:4) Boy is that a hard thing to do.