Be Encouraged Today

There are hints of orange and yellow beginning to turn up on the leaves surrounding our home. I am in love! In time, it will completely erupt into a sea of autumn bliss! Visually, I am ecstatic. Internally, I am reminded of a truth. 

Life brings changes. Life has seasons. If you focus merely on the fact that things are different or that change has occurred, you might miss the beauty of the season. Again, I understand this concept well, but do I always live it out? Sadly, no; but I am working at it.

This morning I was encouraged as I was reading in Colossians 1 and 2. God’s LIVING Word always speaks to you right where you need it, doesn’t it? Colossians 1:23 states, “You must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News.”

A friend of mine, her sister, and their families, are going through an immense amount of pain right now as they wait for their mom to heal from septic shock, a thyroid storm, loss of consciousness, internal infections, heart issues, and more. I couldn’t imagine this kind of agony. She is hanging on, but only God knows the end to the story. What they wouldn't give for more time and more seasons with their mom...Won't you join me in prayer for her healing? Pray for my dear friend and her sister and loved ones. Pray for the doctor’s wisdom and sharp hands. 

I am encouraged knowing my troubles are only temporary. This season I will choose to turn to God when the lies seep in. Oh, there will be days when I’d rather whine and stay down, but I will be reminded when I re read these words, and through support and encouragement from you, that God’s truth is transforming and oh so encouraging. 

“We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better” (Colossians 1: 9-10). This is my focus and my goal.

Here’s to a new season. Happy fall everyone!

Rejoice!

I have been mildly depressed for some time now. After many discussions with my mom and husband who had witnessed this swing in my daily mood at the beginning of the year, I decided to go see my doctor. Evan was only a couple of months old at this time. I asked her questions about whether or not it was just hormones acting up from having a baby, and if I would feel back to normal soon.

With one child, you have so many freedoms still. Breastfeeding had subsided when Asher was 8 weeks due to a milk protein intolerance. We are still figuring out exactly what this means for him. At the time though, it meant freedom. I could go out with my husband. Finishing my schooling and teaching license was not a problem. I enjoyed the quiet drive and the time I spent with the other ladies in class.Come fall, I student taught full time. That meant I basically had the same hours in the classroom and at home as a full time teacher. Of course this meant much sacrifice was made by all; myself, my husband, my baby, and my amazing mom who came to live with us for those 4 ½ months. Still, I had my own life. Now with two, things have changed. I still haven’t fully adjusted to this new life.

While chatting with my doctor about options, she shared that talking things out with a therapist might be of some good. I decided I wasn’t ready for that. Ever since I was a young girl I never really liked to open up much to people, so opening up to a stranger, even if they are a professional, was unattractive to me. Instead, I decided to go with a low-dose medication to help stabilize my moods.

I was weary at first, but I do believe it has been of some help for me. The biggest problem is that it stabilizes the “highs” as well. It seems that it takes a lot more for me to get excited about things now. I kind of just float through the day hoping that nothing too difficult or bad happens with me and the kids. A good day is a simple day in most cases.

Still, there are those special days that seem to keep a smile on my face all day. I had one of those special kind of days yesterday. Yesterday, our town, Maple Plain, celebrated 100 years of existence! There was a Centennial celebration filled with family and kid activities down Main Street and at the local Community Center where Asher takes his Early Childhood Education Classes. 

We spent the day as a family and Asher marveled in the excitement of the day. The talented Olivia Torgerson painted a tiger’s face upon my sweet two year old’s face. You heard a “Rawr!” everywhere he went after that. We concluded the morning fun with a community parade and after his long afternoon nap Gregg and I decided to head out to dinner for a “date night.” We chose McDonalds, or as Asher says, “Old McDonalds!” We celebrated in his accomplishments of getting his little legs up and through the climbing steps and tunnels to the the very tip-top. We laughed and cheered and, yes, smiled. We ended the night with a family movie and snuggles on the sofa. I only heard about half of the movie, but the sweet sounds from my children filled my heart. I love it that Asher giggles at Baby Evan's chattering. 

For now my attitude has not changed much overall. In fact, this morning I admit that I was a tad bit grumpy. It’s a process, I keep telling myself. More rejoicing in the simple things like yesterday with my family is a great start.

I often look at the verse on our bedroom wall. It reads, “Rejoice in the Lord always!” (Phil 4:4) Boy is that a hard thing to do. 

Face-Lift

I have been looking for a hobby to engage in during my “me time” when the boys are sleeping. The more I have been thinking about a hobby, the more my brain has become exhausted in thought. I thought to myself, “why not write it all down then?” So I did. Writing is such sweet therapy. It is freeing. No one interrupts. Writing was a favorite activity of mine while in school. I always had a journal or diary. My friend’s and I wrote letters back and forth in notebooks. I even kept a poetry and song book for a while. I used to spend so much of my time putting a tune to these poems while singing aloud and strumming on my guitar alone in my bedroom. My guitar has been sitting in a closet since I have moved to Minnesota 3 ½ years ago.

Minnesota. I have such a love-hate relationship with this place. It is gorgeous and clean! I get to experience all 4 seasons here, which includes a “white Christmas” that I have dreamed of ever since I was a tiny girl. The people are lovely and so warm. There are so many indoor options for those who don’t like to sweat and be baked by the sun like me. Then there are trees and lakes everywhere you look! Only 2 miles from my house (maybe less) there is a beautiful regional park where I can take a stroll down a paved path under the shade of 100+ year old trees decorated along Lake Independence. Oh bliss! Education is highly regarded here and the schools are clean, bright, and a joy to spend time in. Oh, how I long to be back in a classroom. I could see myself having a wonderful career in education here. Living in Minnesota is like living in a dream. There’s one problem, however; everything that I have been my entire life, everyone I have ever loved, every memory I have ever made and that has shaped me, dwells in a different state than I now live. I feel lonely, even a bit lost.

I began a new chapter when we moved away. I had been in school, had been working full time, and had been heavily involved in service within a faith community. These past 3 ½ years have been so new, so different for me. When Gregg and I moved to Minnesota, we were single and free for a short time. I enjoyed the slower pace that I hadn’t experienced since I was young. The over ambitious side of me gave in to future dreams of becoming a mom. The desire to be a mom was deep and was there as long as I could remember. It must be the right time. I had nothing else going on…

I was the one who couldn’t wait to be a mother. I was the one that exclaimed that I was ready without a doubt! I wanted to share my extra time with sweet babies who needed me, and who I could pour into. Like many, I heard it said that it was a HUGE responsibility, one that took your attention 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. I was sure I could do it. I knew it was time.

“Knowing” with your head and truly understanding something are separate entities. I am learning to realize that truth. I knew that having kids would change my life. I knew that having kids would take up time. I knew that babies required sacrifice.

I have given up so much for my kids. And although it is cliché, I truly would not change having them for anything. My life has been written by God long ago, and I truly believe that He filters the events that happen in my life. Nothing comes that hasn’t passed through Him. What I am realizing though is that everything in life does not come easy and without work. I have had difficult times so far in life, but nothing compares to being a mom. It’s hard work! Way harder than working towards a B.A. or a teaching license ever was.

I will wrap this little therapy writing session up by sharing that I struggle as a young stay-at-home mom. I feel better about myself when I shower, put on makeup, and get out. Yet, I don’t always have time or energy for getting ready, and honestly, I don’t feel like it’s worth it most days when I stay at home and wipe noses and get spit up on all day.

I conclude admitting that my attitude needs a tune up. The very One who made me, knows me intimately and personally, inner and future thoughts, wants me to change my outlook on life. The ironic thing is that I know this, but I have not let it change me yet. I have not let that knowledge transform my thinking. There is a disconnect between my head and heart.

Life goes on, so I will continue on this journey and plan to write as I travel along. Feel free to travel along side of me as I get an attitude face-lift and figure out these ups, and more frequent downs, in my current life.